THE AMBULANCE CAME TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL IN CATALINA I HAD A BUMP ONMY HEAD, WAS UNCONSICUOS FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT.  THE DOCTOS SAID I HAD A CONCUSION.  TO TAKE ME TOOUR FRIENDS HOME WATCH ME.  WELL WITHIN 1 HUOR I CULD NOT TAKL, WAKL, MY RITE SIDE OF MY BODY WAS LIKE PARALIZED MY FACE DROOP DOWN.

MY HUBAND TOOK ME BACK TO THE E.R. THEY AIR VACTED ME OFF THE ISLAND TO LONG BEECH MEMORAL HOSPITAL.  THEY DID A CAT SCAN ONMY BRAIN.  I HAD A BLEED IN MY BRAIN THE SIZE OF A LEMON.

A OTHE DOCTOR TOLD MY FAMLY THAT I WOOD PROBALY NEVER BE ABEL TO PROCES INFORMATOIN TOLD TO ME THINK & SPEEK TO RESPONE BACK.  MORE OR LESS LIKE A VEGABLE.  OH MY, HOW DID MY FAMLY DEEL WITHTHIS ONE.  ME I WAS NOT KNOWING ANTHIG.  THEY GAVE ME PAPER TO RITE TO COMUNIATE.  I WAS A RITE HAND PERSON, SO I TRIED MY LEFT.  THEY ASKE ME MY NAME.  I KNEW IN MY HEED I WAS LINDA BUT WIN I ROTE IT WOOD BE 1100222, NO I KNOW  THAT DOES NOT SAY “LINDA”.  I HAD A LONG LONG JURNEY AHEAD OF ME!!!

I HARD MY FIRST SEIZURE ONLY 1 OF 100’S TO COME, GRAND MAL, PETITE & FOCAL.  THEY STARTED TERAPY RITE AWAY.  THEN I WAS MOVED ST. JOHNS REHAB IN OXARD, THEN SOLULUTIONS IN SANT A BARBAR THEN BACK TO ST. JOHNS.  THEN HOME!!!!!  I HAD 5 YERES OF THERAPE SPEECH, PHYSICAL.  IT WAS SO SO SO HARD…..I NEVER WANTED TOLOOSE MY HUSBAND, I WANTED TO BE THE BEST I CULD BE. I WORKED VERY HARD ALWAYS, LOTS OF CONFUSMENT, YUOR FRENDS LEVE YUO BECUZ YUO A R NOW NOT THE PERSON YUO ONCE WERE.

 LAST JUNE MY HUBIN SUDENLY PASED AWAY & NOW I AM ON MY OWN TRYING TO FIGURE MY WORLD WITHOUT ANY FAMILY LEVENG HERE.  I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS THAT ARE SUPORTIVE. 

THE NEW WORLD IS HARD HARD HARD…..

I HAVE TRUBEL WITH NOESE, VISION, GRUOPS, NO MUSCI, CANT REED BOOKS, CANT DRIVE.  MY THINKS & WORDS MAY NOT ALWAYS WORK OR MAKE CENTS.  SPELING OH THAT YUO CAN SEE IN THIS LETER—I DO MY BEST…..I LOST ABILATY OF MONEY, BUT I KNOW HOW TO GIVE A CREDIT CARD.  CONCENTRATON, COMPREHENDING WELL.  WE GO THRU 5 STEPS, DENIAL, SADNES, ANGER, BARGANING, & FINALY ACCEPTANCE!! !

WELL I DO LIKE MY SELF MOST OF THE TIME !!! YUO MUST WORK HARD.  TRY TO STAY POSTIVE, & YUO CAN DO MORE THAN THE DR’S TELL YUO CAN DO, I HAVE LEARNED MY NEW WORLD.  AS MY HUBIN REX WOOD SAY, 1 FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER & EVERTING WILL BE OK.

I DO LIKE BEING WITH MY BRAIN INJURY FRIENDS….THEY SO GET IT.

I arrived by ambulance for immediate surgery. Opened up like a fish, the incision was from my neck to just three inches below my navel. My lung was collapsed, every rib that composed the cage was broken, my spleen removed and the liver severed. Most all my blood was gone. The three doctors labored for 3-4 hrs. and then closed me up. I was in a coma for 2 weeks before my eyes opened. I could not remember a thing. A very, very frightening event to understand.

Under my armpit they inserted a tube in my lung to assist in my breathing as well as tubes inserted in my nose and mouth . There I lay 3 weeks in a coma and 2-3 more weeks to get better to start rehab.

Today, after 2 years, I am not well. Although, if you looked at me I could fool you, but if you stay w/ me for some time you will know something is wrong. I seem to repeat myself often because I forget what I had said. Very embarassing. I have good days and I have bad days. The doctor says I will develop seizures which I am not looking forward to. I often walk in circles and I have extreme memory loss. I pay bills electronically and often to the wrong payee. It just kills me when that happens. I just have to remember how lucky I am to be alive and able to drive. My Mother is legally blind and counts on me for much. I am glad that I can help her and she understands my injury. Very supportive and lots of love.  She provides me good medicine. I am dizzy at times and short breathed but that is OK. I pray each day to thank God that my accident was not more severe and that he got my attention.

I go to Ventura County Brain injury classes twice a month and it saved my life. I know I am not alone and there is love and help there for me. I find it that 90% of the injured people have the same impairment that I do. Memory loss, lost position, not fully aware of one’s daily duties to complete, and the knowing that we are different souls. I am very grateful for what happened to me. I am not bitter because for how would I ever know the other side of the coin. They say, ” God plants you where you are to bloom.” This is true. I am on disability at 60 yrs. old and grateful that the govt. was finally convinced that I needed help. I hope you can understand that from one day to the next we are living in a world of the unknown. That one event can change your life forever. Be careful and stay safe.

Respectfully.
Steve Spencer

Like many young men of 22, I thought I was invincible. Things came to me pretty easy back then. I was #1 man on the varsity golf team in high school. After high school, I sold cars and made a lot of money for a 19 year old.

I had lots of girl friends and guy friends to hang out with. I was king of the world, or so I thought.

I got in the habit of making poor choices, but I wasn’t worried about it, because I had the rest of my life to get it figured out.

Then there was my accident

I had partied hard one night and then into the morning. Having little sleep, I got on a motorcycle for a long trip and only 30 miles into it, I fell asleep to the hum of my engine.

I had a helmet on, but hitting the freeway going 65 miles on hour can really do some damage. I don’t remember the actual accident.

I was taken to the trauma center at Holy Cross Hospital. People I had never met tried desperately to save my life. I had brain surgery every day for 3 days.

I had a long rehabilitation and worked hard to get back to my old self, but that didn’t happen. I caused my family more pain than I will ever know.

Like some people with brain injury, I self-medicated with alcohol and drugs, and I was barely surviving

Then I found the Brain Injury Center and became a real survivor. I learned coping skills for my anger by attending the Center’s support meetings. And it helped me with cues, like writing things down so I can remember them.

Most of all, I found friends that have a positive influence in my life and people who understand about brain injury.

I also learned about AA and have found an amazing support system of brother.

I learned that we all have handicaps of one kind or another and I AM NOT ALONE.

The most poignant thing around my Half Dome story is to have been part of and to have experienced such profound human connection!! It was an astonishing web of people that took part in and were affected by this life-altering event. It significantly affected Rick, Kiley, my friends who were on that mountain, of course my whole family, Rick’s family and many others that I have learned played a role in this incident, some I have never met.

One example of this is Rick’s nephew, Jason, 15 at the time, who was on his very first hike that day and was a witness to this frightening yet heartwarming trauma. My first question when I heard of this was “Did I ruin it for him? Will he ever go hiking again?” Rick’s wife, Diane, said no- he witnessed the power of helping another and was in his element: calm and ready to help. Diane shared with me that Jason’s response was “I was totally anxious to help out in any way I could.” Diane said “he gave his light jacket away to someone who was very cold. He was concerned for you and for his Uncle Rick, but never panicked, never afraid to do what he could to help. He is such a loving soul.” 

There were countless miracles and I would like to describe a few here:

*The tiny 6 or 7 inch ledge stopped me from falling to my death.

*I wouldn’t have wanted to be in that situation on that mountain with any other person than Vanessa. She is certified in Wilderness First Aid and has taken several courses to train as a wilderness guide for long treks. I could not have been in better hands! (Vanessa and I came up with a new nickname for me: Tumble J. LOVE it!)

*Rick and Kiley staying with me for 3hrs in the cold (and most likely hungry) was the most selfless thing that any human has ever done for me. I would have continued to shuttle down that mountain to my death otherwise (Kiley says I came-to 3 times on that ledge and they were able to calm me before I passed out again). After such a heroic act, they could have gone on with their lives never hearing of me again but Rick called the hospital and checked in with my friends consistently until he was able to speak with me personally. We began to build a friendship that continues to this day. I’ve met his wife and children and we stay in contact regularly.

*The sky “just opened up” for the Search and Rescue (SAR) helicopter on its last attempt to reach me and that the pilot descended at such an impossible angle to let out the rescue team (sparing me a more tragic outcome).

*Tricia just happened to have an address book at the campground that contained my parents’ contact information that I’d given her some 10yrs before in grad school.

*I spoke of seeing my deceased brother at the end of my hospital bed and that he was with me on that mountain. Even with a swollen, bleeding brain and a fractured skull and jaw etc, I remembered and desperately tried to communicate that it was his memorial day within hours of my fall.

And those are merely some of the miracles within that day!

It was a miracle that I had health insurance just 5 months before. I had been living abroad the previous 2 years and was unable to find professional work once I returned home so I took a temp job that hired me permanently in January 2009! My health insurance covered my twenty-some thousand dollar rescue flight off the mountain and the fifty-six thousand + dollar hospital stay for the first 8 days. We only had a $250 co pay for the entire one month stay to cover all 3 hospitals. The final hospital, Kaiser Vallejo, is a world-famous, state-of-the-art rehabilitation hospital. Miracle!!!!!!!!!!

Puzzle pieces of the story were given to me by Vanessa, Tricia, Peter, Kiley, Rick, his children and extended family, the SAR team, the medical staff, my brothers, parents, extended family and my friends. I put the pieces together to create the vast portrayal of my hiking fall and the 2 weeks of my life that I cannot recall. I am lucky to have checked out during such a tumultuous time. As I said before, it was far worse for those around me. In hearing stories from the SAR team and those that were helping me during this incident, I realized how fortunate I was to have missed more serious damage or death. My gratitude for being alive has been the most overwhelming, superior emotion through this entire experience.

There are so many comical stories from the hospital stay. I realize they were nowhere near comical at the time but I find them very humorous now. My brother, Paul, says that I would come-to from my coma, acting perplexed. They would tell me “you’re ok, Gina. You’re very injured and are in a hospital. We’re taking care of you. It’s ok” and then I would slip into unconsciousness again. I’d come-to several hours later with the same scenario. It was like the movie Groundhog Day! My poor family would have to tell me the same thing every time I came-to for almost 2 weeks!

My mother stayed with me in a small hospital recliner over night, every night. My brother, John, knew she was a wreck and convinced her that he would stay with me one night so she could attempt to get a good sleep at the hotel. That was the night that I came-to in a fitful state (it’s common for the brain injured to act from the primitive brain) pulling out my IVs, feeding tube and catheter! My poor brother was terrified! From that point on, they had to restrain my arms while I was in this coma state.

I was looking through some hospital notes recently and chuckled that just 12 days after my accident when the hospital staff roused me to check my cognitive condition, my hospital exam notes read: Chief Complaint = “I fell.” I chuckle every time I reread this! This again demonstrates how limited my brain was. I just wasn’t all there.

My brother, Paul, has quite a sense of humor and keeps us all laughing. One day during the first few weeks of my return home, I was laughing at something he was sharing. We changed the subject and I took a gulp of water. Little did I know that what he would say next would again get me laughing! I was unable to swallow my gulp of water so I spewed it out all over the place! I was on a liquid diet and my esophagus was still challenged with swallowing… hilarious!

Until recently, I’ve put 110% of my focus on healing. I was in a back brace for 3 ½ months so I couldn’t get in or out of bed (I woke every 2-3hrs to use the restroom due to my liquid diet!), shower, dress or reach shelves in cupboards or the refridgerator. Obviously, I could not drive so my Dad or brother drove me to my various appointments (spine, neurology, physical therapy, speech therapy, vision therapy, ophthalmology, dentist, head/neck specialist, orthopedist, chiropractor, x-rays, MRIs etc). With my left clavicle broken, I was in a sling and could only sleep on my back or propped with cushions along my side. I had vertigo for several months directly after a follow-up MRI. The vertigo was finally resolved by my Physical Therapist performing the Epley Maneuver. I did physical, speech and vision therapy daily.

After such a life-changing event it is very common to experience depression. I had to let my apartment in Northern California go and move in with my parents to rehabilitate. (I am ever grateful to them for taking me in. But being a highly independent woman, this experience has brought lessons of acceptance, patience and trust.) When I first came home from the hospital, I was using a patch over one eye to stop the double vision. I was very distraught after my first visit to an Ophthalmologist who said the damage was most likely permanent. I was devastated but something in me knew to go for a second opinion despite others’ advice and I’m glad I did. That second doctor told me there was hope that it may heal. It was through a series of synchronicities that I came to learn about Vision Therapy and was connected with Agape Optometry in Thousand Oaks… and my vision continues to improve.   

Though I have dealt with some difficult times, I am grateful I’ve not had an extreme bout of depression and have remained proactive and driven to regain my health. I attribute my positive attitude first and foremost to my altered brain state.

At first I had amnesia and could only remember those who were right in front of me. I couldn’t remember where I went to University or what I studied and I couldn’t remember where I worked or lived. It took a week or longer for my memory to bubble into my consciousness. (After the hospital when my memories were more available to me, I would often reminisce of my overseas travels to Australia, New Zealand and Thailand because they brought joy and comfort… they kept me afloat. I feel so grateful to have experienced such a full, fun, active life.) For a long while, I was perpetually in the present moment with blinders on for anything but the NOW, which in hindsight was my saving grace. It took several months but slowly I was able to think of what I was doing later that day, which then evolved to an ability to think about an appointment the next week and in time what was coming up in a month. It took quite a long time until I was able to wishful think regarding any future endeavors.

I also need to credit the fact that I had been working on creating a more optimistic life perspective for years before my hiking fall. Along with other positive changes to transform a pessimistic temperament I learned from childhood, I had been writing a daily list of what I was grateful for in a Gratitude Journal. Despite life circumstances that were hard to cope with, this really helped shift my focus to the positive even on days when I had to force myself to think of things I was grateful for (“I’m so grateful for my lunch break, to have a bed to sleep in, that the sun came out today, I have a roof over my head” etc). I’m unsure of its author but a common quote I’ve heard is: what we put our attention on grows.

My efforts paid off because when life threw me a curve ball, my very first emotion was gratitude. When I came-to a few weeks after my hiking fall and heard the simple synopsis of what happened to me, I wasn’t at all able to understand its complexity or depth but I understood that the consequences of it were serious. I was overcome with gratitude that I was alive and safe. In the last year, my brain is more capable of comprehending what I went through as well as to recognize the enormity of the whole picture, from the accident through my rehabilitation to my current state. I am overjoyed that I still have full use of my body and that I was not severely brain damaged …because I could have been. Once I was able to get on the floor to do PT at home, I’d play mixed CDs 2 friends made for me with encouraging music and go through bouts of tears as I’d look at my legs or my arms so grateful they were still with me and able to work! 

Yet it is this current time – the place between my new awaiting life and the safe cocoon that has become my comfort amid the upheaval – that presents the challenge as I sit with the awareness of where I am now compared to where I was before my hiking fall. There is a line in the 2004 movie Motorcycle Diaries I completely relate to: “I’m not me anymore… at least I’m not the ‘me’ I was.” It is a bit scary to be in this in-between phase not knowing how my life will unfold from here.

This entire experience has truly been like a rebirth: the infancy of being broken, battered, hospitalized; the toddler years of figuring out how my body moved and learning how to get around wearing the back brace; the youth of getting out of the back brace and using a cane; being a teen as my family took me to medical appointments, then being able to relearn to drive again and finally easing into driving at dusk, night or in the rain, and finally returning to driving my manual again J; now is like I’ve just graduated from High School and am looking out wondering what the world offers and where my place is in the world. Though I feel more myself now and am very driven to return to the big beautiful world, I need to remember not to forge forward too fast because I am still healing.

I still deal with tingling and numbness 24/7 on my left side: face, neck, shoulder, hand, glute and foot probably due to damaged nerves. Intermittently, I feel an intense, icy cold tingling in my left calf and foot (most likely a carry over from the hypothermia). Though it has improved, my jaw isn’t lined up the way it used to be so my chewing is effected. I can only get flavor from the right one fourth of my mouth because in the rest of my mouth my taste buds are numb. I can’t put any pressure on my tail bone so I sit on a support cushion to keep my spine elongated. Occasionally, my gait is off and I misstep or stress my ankle. I used to be able to sleep 8-11 hours depending on how tired I was but now I wake after 5 or 6 hours with my body in a state of hunger-distress and/or needing to relieve my bladder. My collar bone hasn’t yet healed properly which requires me to be attentive in using my arm, shoulder and chest. My neck pulls out of alignment and seizes up every 5-6 weeks restricting movement which can keep me from driving for several days. There’s an odd reverberation that occurs in my left ear when in a grocery store, restaurant or other populated place. And, like I’ve shared, my vision in the left eye is still healing.

I continue to put most of my focus into recovery. And I am extremely lucky that healing now involves things I love: yoga, self care (Vision Therapy, Physical Therapy, healthy eating), meditation, personal growth etc. This entire experience has been pretty self-absorbed J and I am lucky to have had the opportunity to put forth such efforts to heal.

Though I fear stepping out of my safe cocoon and letting go of this precious introspective experience, I am fully aware of how much joy and confidence I gain when I am able to be of assistance, especially when I’m able to offer help in a way that is unique to me. My life is very different than it was. I’ve been forging new territory and it’s always frightening to face the unknown. Yet it now has come time to emerge from this sheltered cocoon of recovery and reintroduce myself to the world.

I was awarded a partial scholarship for a yoga teacher training at Kripalu in Massachusetts, the 1^st and largest yoga, health, education and retreat center in the United States. I earned my Yoga Instructor Certification March 18, 2011 a mere 21 months after such severe injuries. And I expect to certify in Chair Yoga by Fall 2011 through yet another VERY generous scholarship through Lakshmi Voelker Chair Yoga™. I hope to offer chair yoga to brain injury survivors, stroke victims, those rehabilitating from injury and others with restricted physical ability. And just one month shy of reaching the 2 year marker, I was just hired last week for a part time job.

I’ve yet to return to Yosemite’s Half Dome but I do not fear the mountain. I trust I will return if and when life lines up to do so. I do know that it will have to be a VERY sunny, warm day with not a cloud in the sky J. Vanessa says that any time I would like to hike it again or even just get to its base, she will gladly accompany me. Rick goes there every year (which is how I got the 2010 photo with his foot showing the height of the ledge that stopped my fall). His wife, Diane, says that Half Dome remains all at once~ a place of looming challenge, a place of near disaster and a place that holds miracles.

Many people have played a role in my recovery: the Brain Injury Center, medical professionals, spiritual teachers, an author and life coach, an energy worker and several yoga instructors… all benevolent souls that have made a large heart-centered contribution to my process of recovering. At the one year mark on June 6, 2010, I had a Gratitude Party in honor of all the people in my life that helped me heal in body, mind and spirit. Vanessa aptly named the Gratitude Party my “Gratitudiversary” ~ a word I plan to use to commemorate and honor June 6th for the rest of my life.

The miracles that have lined up since that significant day are uncountable and the immensity of this journey is beyond words. Gratitude continues to be the undercurrent of every moment of my life.

I am in awe.

Preregistration:    Mandatory for all workshops. Please see summary of each workshop for appropriate information.

Location:    Unless noted under the specific workshop, the location for all workshops is the Camarillo Health Care campus, 3687 E. Los Posas Road, Building H, Camarillo, CA

I always have dreams during my dark hours.  What am I trying to remember?  When my dark hours end the light comes and pushes them away.  Sometimes the memories are hazy; sometimes the memories are vivid, surreal events I awake from full of fear and anxiety.  Although they are not the reality of the awake-world, they have one hell of an effect on the tales I tell and the ability to have my listeners believe them to be true.  Often my stories are so realistic even I can not determine between truth and fiction.  The dreams of my dark hours create memories, memories create beliefs; these beliefs affect how I react to people and events.

So much was lost when the uninvited, crippling trespasser made his way into my life.  It is nearly impossible to express the true idea, visions and horrors that are constantly brewing in what is left of this mind of mine.  I have gone to many different doctors of all types in hopes of finding a clear pathway through the jungles of my forgotten past, foggy present and, what often seems to be, bleak future.  Doctors and therapists offer words of advice, suggestions on how to cope with the losses, encouragement for coming so far after such a severe injury, no one talks about recovery anymore.  Now we talk about managing symptoms and coping.

It has been fifteen years since the accident, since the trespasser, traumatic brain injury, came abruptly changing my life. The injury was terrible, the medical intervention was miraculous and my body did a great job getting back on its feet with months of rehabilitation.  But, today, like every day, is an up-hill battle through a maze of pretty scary stuff.  The memory does not work, I have trouble keeping a schedule straight, I cannot recall even happy events from the day before without reminders.  Sometimes I just get tired of it all.

In my mind traumatic brain injury, referred to as TBI, does not take into account that I need time outside of its grasp.  I need time to have someone help me sort out the realities.  I need time to let go of these dream memories that create frightening, fear-filled thoughts which seem like they must have happened.  Whether I am sleeping or awake, chances are there will be no images for me to fall back on and recall the reality of experiences that have occurred.   Facts get mixed up with dreams, then dreams get mixed up with fabrications I have put together based on the emotions evoked when I awaken in a cold sweat.

Living with Traumatic Brain Injury, after you get through the coma, the hospitals, the rehab and the therapy, is a never ending journey of looking for a road that will take you somewhere you can feel wanted, safe and have life with purpose.  This last part is the part that is not usually written about in newspapers.  No one wants to hear about the heartbreaks and pain that continue long after the happiness of being discharged from the hospital and getting home again.

The information about my accident, the medical intervention, my rehabilitation and my immediate re-entry into home and community life is from the story telling of family members and copies of medical reports (Whitlock, Wade, Lande) over the past fifteen years of our time together.  I guess they are all telling me the truth.  I have very little recollection of my life between my junior year at Vermont Academy until a few years after my first year at Springfield College.  I remember some names of friends.   It is maddening to hear the stories of my life from everyone but myself.  How could I have jumped from a plane and soared through the sky without ever remembering?   How could my Grandpa, my fishing buddy, have died on my twentieth birthday and I don’t recall any pangs of sadness?   What else happened that I will never imagine?

Like the majority of survivors of traumatic brain injury (TBI), I was involved in a motor vehicle accident when I was a young man. After my first year of college, I was riding my prized Honda motorcycle on a beautiful July day in the small town where I lived with my parents.  Speeding along the country road, the sun on my back, I never saw the car making a left hand turn crossing my path.  I hit the car as it started to turn into my path and flew sixty five feet through the air.  I don’t remember any of this but I am told this is what happened.  I was flown to the local trauma center after being treated at the scene by the volunteer ambulance team.  I was in intensive care, not responding to anything except the sensation of choking during times I was suctioned to keep my airway clear.  Then I would choke so hard I would lift my two hundred ten pound, six foot two inch body right off the bed as I gagged for air.  Otherwise I ‘slept’ and let a machine do my breathing. (Davies)

The recovery from this brain injury took everything I had.  My brain required energy to keep functioning and healing, I dropped forty pounds in a matter of a few weeks and only after over a month did I begin to come out of the deep coma.  I was fed by a tube surgically inserted into my stomach and my breathing was made easier with a tracheotomy tube inserted through my neck into my trachea.   Most of us survivors have the wounds left from this time of medical intervention.  We compare scars to see who had a better surgeon.

In my damaged mind I am left to accept a life tangled with stories of how miraculous my recovery has been while I will never have any recollection of the pain I caused myself and my family.  The mental pain goes on: the ‘memories’ put into my head by the stories I am told by others, the things doctors tell me each time I go through another examination, and the news articles I read about someone else ‘recovering’ from TBI.   It is so strange not to know what is reality and what is fantasy.  Did I have this experience I am reading about? Did people tell me the truth about what happened?

Like many of those with serious brain trauma, I ended up with memory problems and seizures.  We all share some level of an array of symptoms of dementia depending on the areas of the brain injured:  cognitive problems, irritability, impulsivity, insomnia, fatigue, and apathy.  Many of us struggle with depression and anxiety, some with compulsive disorders, and, regretfully, suicidal thoughts and attempts (WEBMD). As life goes on I realize more and more how much my impairment has affected my life.  And I worry about what it will be like in years to come.

Most traumatic brain injuries occur in children between the ages of  0 – 4 years, and then youth between the ages of 15 and 19 years.  Males are more likely to sustain a TBI than females.  Certain military duties increase the likelihood of TBI.   The brain is injured when an outside force causes the brain to move inside the skull; or the brain can be injured when the skull itself is broken and the brain is directly hurt..   The brain moves around inside the skull like Jello, except it is attached in places.  Tearing, bruising, bleeding and pressure from swelling affect the brain in different areas.  Depending on the degree of damage and the areas damaged, the survivor will experience numerous life-long deficits which will never heal fully.  Improvement in condition occurs for many years after the brain injury, but recovery in the sense of being like ‘before the injury’ is not going to happen.

Looking way back I remember trying to fly when I was four.  My smarter six-year-old brother warned me I could not make it over our loyal German Shepherd Dog, and land safely on the rug.  I loved to hear the encouraging voice of others, but many times it was only my own inner voice cheering me on.  This inner voice was plenty loud and had the ability to block out any felling of fear or words of caution from others. The springs in my legs compressed and then expanded quickly to shoot me off the footstool and over the dogs back.  The landing surface I had planned turned out to be not at all comforting.  Blood gushed from my first serious wound.

Throughout my growing up years I loved to travel fast and without fear.  Whether on a bike, a motor scooter, an all-terrain-vehicle, a car or my motorcycle, I just wanted to go all the time.  I had to test everything.  I had that voice just cheering me on and laughing as I flew like the wind.  I thought I could defeat all the odds.  When I hit the car with my motorcycle, I tried to fly again.  This time I landed in a pine grove and ended up without a scratch.  They found out later my thumb was broken, that was it.  Except for the brain damage that occurred when my head stopped as it hit the earth and the brain kept going banging around inside.

Brain injuries are a major cause of disability among Americans.  The numbers will increase with the causalities of the Global War on Terrorism returning home to begin life anew with the effects of brain injuries.  Each year 90,000 Americans live through injuries which leave them permanently disabled by brain injury; 50,000 die from brain injury each year.    Today, 5.3 million Americans face challenges resulting from brain injury. (Brain Injury Conference 2008)

An Institute of Medicine report edited by Eden and Stevens stated in 2006:

…many people with TBI experience persistent, lifelong disabilities.  For these individuals, and their caregivers, finding needed services is, far too often, an overwhelming logistical, financial and psychological challenge.  Individuals with TBI-related disabilities, their family members, and caregivers report substantial problems in getting basic services, including housing, vocational services, neurobehavioral services, transportation, and respite for caregivers. Yet efforts to address these issues are stymied by inadequate data systems, insufficient resources, and a lack of coordination.  TBI services are rarely coordinated across programs except in some service sites.  Furthermore, in most states, there is no single entry point into TBI systems of care.  (BI Conference)

Now in order to keep going, I need a medical-alert pill dispenser to remind me to take medication to stop my seizures, I take pills to help me sleep without the dark, overpowering dreams, and, infrequently, I need antidepressants to get me over the rough times.  I write poetry and prose to keep myself thinking and using my brain.   I love to get out in nature.   I enjoy playing black jack at the casino.  And, I look forward to getting a part-time job as soon as possible.  Like everyone else, people with TBI want to be included in life.  Many of us need help with transportation and help organizing and remembering.  But we do remember.  We remember people who are helpful, caring, take time to be with us.  We remember how it feels to be appreciated.

We TBI survivors do have problems that change our lives immensely and we see that we must be difficult to be with.  Our friends fall away; we cannot keep up with their lifestyles.   We have problems remembering day-to-day events and appointments, even new faces.  Solving new problems takes us longer.  We get upset easily and are prone to angry outbursts, but we cool down quickly and often do not remember what we said or did.  These changes in behavior and our difficulty in reading what others mean or need can cause us problems in relating to people.   And, we need support to get out into a meaningful job or volunteer position that gives us a reason to get up and out each day. (Ponsford)

Professionals, survivors, and family members are trying to piece together services to support those of us who live with TBI.   A full continuum of care addressing all the needs of a person with TBI is difficult to put together.   Yet, brain injuries are the most prevalent reason for emergency room visits.  More and more people are living after sustaining very serious brain injuries.  Getting people through the first weeks following their injuries is not enough.  Having acute rehabilitation available is a must.  But, getting people through the years of living with their injuries with dignity and care is what is needed.

Remembering is difficult for TBI survivors.  We all joke about our memories, then we tell each other about our new watches with alarms, new medication reminders, and talk about the food and weather.  We remember the ‘normies’ who used to be our friends.   Then we try to remember what we did at our last support group meeting.   Remembering to remember.  Remembering we count.  Reminding people to remember.   There is no full recovery from a serious brain injury.  There is life after the injury.  Sometimes it is just as well not to remember the things we have lost.

I still have the voice inside telling me to go for it.  I still remember how it felt to fly through the wind on my bike and motorcycle.  I have nights when the dark thoughts do not catch up with me.  I try to remember there may be more for me in the future.  I try to keep trying.  Maybe in the future each person with TBI will have an opportunity to live a life that is meaningful and rewarding.  Maybe someday policy makers and the public will understand what it is to live with what is left after the crippling trespasser has come.

Works Cited

Barriers and Recommendations, Addressing the Challenge of Brain Injury in America.2008 Washington, DC: Brain Injury Concensus Conference, November 02 2007. 1-6. 6 p.

Davies, Donna R. Interview Unpublished. Ventura, CA, April 2008.

“Dementia in Head Injury.” WebMD. 5 May. 2008. <http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dementia-head-injury>.

Johnson, PhD, Glen. TBI Survival Guide. Traverse City, MI, March 2004. 1-85. 85 p. Google. 26 March 2008 <www.tbiguide.com>.

Lande, Ph.D., Erik. Neuropsychological Assessment. November 09 2007.

Monteleone, Thomas F. Complete Idiots Guide to Writing a Novel. NY, NY: Pequin Group, Inc. USA, 2004.

Otifnoski, Steven. Extraordinary Short Story Writing. NY, NY: Franklin Watts, 2005.

Ponsford, Jennie. “Long term outcome after traumatic brain injury.” British Medical Journal. 27 Mar. 2008. <http://bmj.com/content/full/331/7530/1419#BIBL>.

“Statistics from Center for Disease Control and Prevention.” Brain Injury Association of the USA. 2 May. 2008. <www.biausa.org>.

Wade, M.D., Peter B. Medical Record Notes Jonathan Davies. Hartford, CT, January 2007.

Whitlock, Jr, M.D., James. “Discharge Summary Jonathan Davies.” Northeast Rehabilitation Hospital. Salem, NH, November 13 1992.

Monthly programs will take place on the third Tuesday of each month, beginning September 21 from 6 to 7:30 p.m., in the offices of the Camarillo Health Care District. The workshops will focus on various medical, emotional, adjustment and social issues encountered by brain injury survivors and their families. Living with a brain injury poses a lifetime of challenges and the series will examine how to deal with and overcome these problems to the greatest extend possible.

The Brain Injury Center’s Professional Advisory Council consists of many of Ventura County’s leading doctors, psychologists, educators, financial planners and other experts who deal with brain injury. The workshops are an extension of the BIC’s annual Ventura County Brain Injury Conference, also the brainchild of its Professional Advisory Board.

Erik Landy, PhD, will lead the initial workshop on September 21, examining techniques to improve learning and memory. Dr. Landy is one of the county’s leading neuropsychologists and his presentation will identify the steps of the memory process and explore the various ways that brain injury can affect memory. The program will convey some basic techniques and strategies to address memory difficulties, specifically focusing on matching the recall strategy to the specific type of memory difficulty.

The October 19 workshop is entitled “Your Dependent with Special Needs: Making Their Future More Secure,” and will be led by investment professional Helen Kim Bass, ChFC. It will address such critical issues as protecting government benefit eligibility for Supplemental Security Income (SSI), creating Special Needs Trusts and the importance of a will. Taking proactive steps now can help arrange for a loved one’s well-being for the short and long term.
Future topics will cover medical care for people with a brain injury, emotional health, behavioral adaptations, academic remediation strategies, socialization skills, sexuality and financial programs.

Based on national averages, an estimated 16,000 people in the county are living with a brain injury. Brain damage can be caused by a traumatic injury, stroke, illness or tumor. Much recent attention has focused on the nation’s military personnel who have sustained brain injuries. An estimated 200,000 Americans have suffered a brain trauma while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, mostly as a result of repercussive explosions.

Pre-registration for the workshops can be arranged by calling the Brain Injury Center’s office at 805.482.1312. BIC is the non-profit organization that serves Ventura County’s population of people living with a brain injury and their families. Complete information is available on its website — www.BrainInjuryCenter.org.

By: Victor Medina
vmedina@tbiwarrior.com

I am a three times veteran having served two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. I am a Purple Heart recipient. Throughout my deployment I have been in multiple enemy engagements, including bomb explosions. On June 29, 2009 at 9am I was on patrol in the city of Nazariyah, Iraq when my vehicle was struck by an Explosive Formed Projectile (EFP) penetrating part of the armor. It was at that specific moment that I sustained the Traumatic Brain Injury that changed my life. It caused loss of consciousness among many other issues that are still present. Also, with my injury I developed a speech fluency problem.

I learned throughout my recovery some factors that are the keys to a successful healing. These factors are: striving to always maintaining the independence, getting knowledgeable about the condition, having a strong support network and compassionate providers, setting goals, maintaining spirituality and motivation, setting specific goals, and getting ample amount of rest. As a Traumatic Brain Injury survivor I did not learn this by myself, it was a combination of my family, friends, providers, and I. At the early stages everything was very difficult to do. All things were so hard that it was easier to use the injury as a crutch instead of trying. It started to affect my social life, i.e. my family and friends. I did not want to go anywhere or do anything. I felt embarrassed when going out in public. As time progressed everything became easier and motivation kicked in.

I turned my injury into a positive mission, to bring Brain Injury awareness and education. Maintaining coherence and finding words was a challenging task, but a noticed that the more I wrote the easier it got. Today I have a webpage promoting awareness. I have been interviewed by different media networks, newspapers, and Congressmen. The mission is getting accomplished. The community is listening.

Please remember that you are in control of your rehabilitation. Motivation is a cycle: a provider gets motivated by having a motivated patient and the patient gets motivated by having a motivated provider. Do not isolate yourself, involve your family and friends. You are not alone in the healing process. There are many that care about you. Try your best: don’t let yourself down. And most importantly remember: IT WILL ALL GET BETTER.

I know that I had just gotten back from Arizona where I became the godparent to my young nephew. I had brought my mother back with me, and for Mother’s Day I had taken her to Solvang for the day. I also remember taking her to the Burbank Airport for her to go home. I remember all that very clearly, but the actual day of the accident, I remember nothing.

I have been told things so many times that they now have become my memories. I was told that I had been outside washing windows when my husband left to go somewhere. I was probably upset about something or someone because that is the only time I would wash windows.

I put my dogs up in their kennel like I always did when I rode my horse. My husband came home and could not find me anywhere until he looked out in the pasture which was in the front of our house.

He noticed my horse with her bare-back blanket on and a hackamore hanging from her neck.

Our pasture had walnut trees on it and he found me unconscious under one of the trees. He told everybody that he had always told me not to ride when I was alone.

He gathered me up and took me to Camarillo’s Emergency Room.

They sent me to Ventura’s Community Hospital where I stayed in a coma for six weeks.

I have been told stories of things that happened there, like they left me in front of an open window one day, so I caught pneumonia as a result. Another time they kept giving me dilantin to control seizures, and I was allergic to it. Because of that, I was scratching myself so badly that they tied my hands to the bed so that I could not reach any part of my body.

I guess they must have done most things right though, because I’m here today to tell you about it.

I came out of the coma 6 weeks later and was sent up to Santa Barbara Rehab where I spent another 2 or 3 months.

That was where I got my first memory that stuck. I was in a room all by myself, and I could hear people out in the hall. I had no idea were I was or why I was there.

I have memories of little fragments of that time like being with my family, my sister wheeling me around their hotel pool, another sister taking me for a car ride around Santa Barbara and lunch at Micky D’s. Funny the things that you remember.

My husband took me out of the hospital to spend the day in Solvang for our first anniversary. That was a super memory. I got to be out of the hospital for a WHOLE day. Wow!

Trying to walk down the hall with a walker and not doing so well.

The day my brother hid the belt that the nurses had tied around me so that I didn’t fall out of the wheelchair every time I thought that I could stand up on my own.

A great young gal that was supposed to be with me while I cooked a meal that I had chosen. There was no way that I could do that yet, so she and her boy friend cooked and ate a steak dinner or whatever it was that I had picked out to try to cook. It was so much fun just watching them enjoy it. It still puts a smile on my face whenever I think of it.

Then there is the memory of crying and pleading with my family to take me home. They all felt so bad and wanted to do it, but they knew I wasn’t ready so they would leave and I would just fade out. That is the good thing about not having a good memory. You forget most things that upset you. I remember things a lot better today, but there are times, especially when I am tired, that the old memory just doesn’t work the way it used too.

Well, I finally got to go home. I was so happy.

My parents had moved down here from Sacramento to help take care of me. You have to relearn to walk, talk, dress and feed yourself. My old self was a very head strong person, but I just let everyone help me with life. It’s amazing how your mind protects you from yourself.

After awhile it was time for my parents to leave. I loved them so much but my parents were smothering me and I wanted MY house back.

I know my mom was so afraid to leave me to handle things on my own, but it was the best thing for me.

I want to tell all you caregivers a secret. I know that it is a lot easier if you just do everything for us, but please don’t. I believe that is how I got to be as good as I am. After they left I had to do everything myself, from taking care of a big house, to caring for cows, chickens, dogs, cats and helping to run a carpet supply warehouse. I sold my horse because I could not ride her then. Oh ya, I just remembered that my rooster would chase me whenever I would go out to collect eggs. They always go after the weakest thing and that was me.

I forgot to mention, we were also still in the process of finishing the house we were building and living in. Talk about crazy!

I am so thankful that the part of my brain that reasons things out was not damaged completely. Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are times when I get a little crazy about things. That maybe other people that do not have a brain injury would handle a situation a lot differently, but I do the best that I can.

I am now re married to a man who does pretty well for someone who was not with me from the beginning. I think he has learned a lot from me and I have learned a lot from him.

When someone says to me “Oh your head injury must not have been very serious,” I would like to shake them. I had to work very hard to get where I am. I had Someone looking over me and He decided that my time was not up yet and I have something that I’m still suppose to do. I believe my purpose in life is to be with my fellow brain injured and to give them and their families hope.

I am very satisfied with my life right now, and maybe that is because I have been given most of my old

self back. And then maybe it is because I have some of the best people around me. So here is a Big Thank You to all those wonderful people that have stuck by me thru thick and thin.

I love you!

Then I went to college at San Jose State in 1967.  I was a music major and physical science was my minor.  For music I played the oboe and English horn.  I was seven years at college – five ½ years as an undergraduate, and 1 ½ years in graduate school.  I was in the College Orchestra for six years and two years for Symphonic Band.  I played in the operas “The Barber of Seville,” “The Crucible,” and “The Marriage of Figaro.”   I played in the musicals “Carnival,” “Carousel,” and “Man of La Mancha.”  Outside we performed “Show Boat.”

But after San Jose State, I was very busy –going to two schools for one 1/2 years and my job was dealing  poker, lo-ball, and pan.  After I finished school there was no more oboe.

Then I was a computer programmer for 18 years until I had my stroke on December 14, 2000.

The English word “oboe” is a phonetic rendering of the French hautbois, meaning “high wood”, which refers to the instrument’s tone.  The oboe is a double-reed woodwind.  The oboe is similar to the clarinet in many ways but the oboe does not have a mouthpiece but only have two reeds tied together.

There are four versions of oboes.  (1) Oboe is “soprano”, pitched in C; (2) oboe d’amore is “alto”, pitched in A; (3) English horn or “cor anglais” is “tenor”, pitched in F; and (4) baritone oboe is “bass” and one octave below in C.  Today the oboe and English horn is often; oboe d’amore and oboe baritone is rarely.

Thank you,
Peter Pinkerton